Dear Steve,

Yes, that is right, I have decided to go on a brief hiatus period from my book and this blog. Why? Because I feel like it. And because I am having way too much fun enjoying the last few weeks of school to sit here writing about it when I could be out there doing it. Not to be harsh or anything, but I would like to enjoy every single moment while I still can. I mean, let's face it - this is the end of my High School career. After just a few weeks, I will never be a High Schooler ever, ever again. 

But before I go I will recount the events of the weekend. First, my brother came down with two of his friends from Utah to A) see mom for Mother's Day and B) go to a concert on Sunday that just happened to be here on the same weekend as Mother's Day. It was really nice to see him, although because he was with his friends we didn't really get a chance to talk. The one time we did talk, however, he decided to argue with me, but that's normal. We are still working some things out, but I love him. So on Friday night I went to see The Made of Honor with Patrick Dempsey (mainly because he was in Enchanted) and I have to say I'm rather disappointed in the movie. Dempsey was amazing, of course, but the script wasn't well written, and at least for me the entire movie was confusing because I kept reading into signs from the movie that turned out to be completely the opposite of what actually happens. If that makes sense. Or I could have done with I usually do and plan out the movie in my own head once I see the characters and the setting and plot, and get confused or angry when it doesn't turn out the way I expected it. Yeah, I have that bad habit.

After the movie two of my friends, Sarah and Diana, came over to my house and we watched 27 Dresses, which totally took the spoiler away from Made of Honor. Katherine Hiegl and the other guy (Prince Edward from Enchanted, I might add - how ironic) are amazing on screen. We watched the director commentary where the director said he thought that Katherine Hiegl was the next big face of romantic comedies, and I completely agree. She's fantastic, and can honestly pull off moments of feeling but also moments of comedy. After the movie we went into my room and talked about the future, and about the people we know in High School and where we all think they are going to end up. It was a lot of fun, and needless to say we were all excited for our 10th year High School reunion, even though we haven't even graduated yet. Ah well.

On Saturday, I went with KC, my bio dad (I consider my step-dad my real dad, but if I said that aloud it would kill him. He has bi-polar and ADD and depression, or so he self diagnoses) to the iPod store and he bought me an iPod nano for a graduation present (don't I feel like a jerk for what I just said). He also bought me three CDs, which were on sale, and I bought my mom a Mother's Day card and a little tiny book full of small indulgences for women - something she could totally use. After she opened her gift we agreed to do at least one of the things, although mom commented that she would love to do a lot of them. Anyway, I am now in the process of stocking up on songs in iTunes since I lost all of my music when my laptop died in November or December of last year. It was a major bummer. Oh, and did I forget to mention that KC also got me a $50 iTunes giftcard? Before you lable me an insensitive, selfish brat, realize that I see my father every other weekend because I chose to do so, for personal reasons, and that the only way he knows how to let me know he cares about me is to buy me things. (I brought this up to my mother and she completely agrees.) But he is a wonderful, brilliant man, he's just not the type of person I get along with very well.

Family matters aside, after we went shopping we went to see Baby Mama, which was ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! I feel like the plot was rushed a little bit, but it was overall rather enjoyable, and I thought it was hilarious how nearly the entire cast was from SNL.

Saturday night I went to my friend Paula's championship softball game, where unfortunately they lost 2-1, but Paula still pitched a hell of a game. She is absolutely amazing to watch, and even though she's short for a pitcher (5 foot) she's a freaking cannon, and rawr to anyone who says otherwise. Also, after the game we learned that the coach from the other team was cheating by stealing the catcher's signs to the pitcher, so that really stinks. No wonder they got a few hits off of Paula - that's almost unheard of! But all in all, they played really well, and I am so incredibly proud of Paula! Go Paula!

Sunday was relatively peaceful. I spent the day with family, went shopping with my mom, lounged around the house, and just had a good time. It was a lovely mother's day, although we didn't go anywhere special (dad made us a wonderful breakfast: pancakes, bacon, fried eggs, and toast. Delicious!).

Also, I have decided to take a break from my story until the summer, when I can give it more of my attention, and when I am not pre-occupied with graduating and enjoying the last few weeks of High School.

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

Dear Steve,

Not a lot has been happening around here, except for two things, A) I believe I have a fever, and am definitely feeling down in the dumps (my throat hurts, and my head is killing me - although, thanks to advil, it's not so bad right now) and B) Barack Obama won the North Carolina primary! Go Barack! This is the first year I am eligible to vote, as my 18th Birthday is June 1st, so I'm way excited! Although I plan to read up on the Candidates over the summer instead of just going with my parent's pick or my friend's favorites.

Aside from that, a family friend, Penny, came down to visit us from Flagstaff last night. She's on her way to visit her mom in Missouri for mother's day, and it's always wonderful to spend time with her. She is such an intellectual person, and truly cares about everyone she meets. When I told her about my story, and how I had finished my first book, she was so incredibly enthusiastic and supportive. It really made me feel good. I also got to talk to my big brother, and it was fun to talk about college (he's a Junior in college) and he gave me some tips for next year. It made me want to graduate so bad! As if that's not enough, in class today I had a litle free time (we were in the computer lab) so I decided to sit around on my college website, looking at summer events and university clubs that I could join.

Ugh, I'm not feeling as good as I thought I was. I think I am going to go lie down and watch a movie.

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

Dear Steve,

When I first started writing this blog I decided that I would not fill it with anxst, or my own troubles, but that I would try to stick to the finer points in life. There are enough troubles in the world without me adding my own list. Therefore, I decided to list day to day activities, or certain things that had caught my interest, and progress on my first book. That said, I have to note that I went against my own decision a little bit in discussing Dreamboy, and even though I itch to delete the post where I practially druelled at the mouth describing him, I have decided to keep that post in this blog. Why? Because, even though it ended rather quickly, it still happened. Because that's life, and things change, but that doesn't mean it wasn't real at the time. That is the lesson for the day, so use it well. 

That said, I have to digress quickly and admit that I had a meltdown on Friday. I had basically had enough of the silence, glares, and whispers in theatre class, but I don't want to go into details. What's done is done, and I have made my peace, and am grateful to everyone involved in the situation for teaching me what they did.

On another note, today I went to Physical Therapy for the last time. The doctor told me that I should go to Physical Therapy for three weeks, and the three weeks were up so I asked the guys how my foot was doing, and if planter fasciatis was something that heals or just something you have to deal with. One of the guys told me that it would take care of itself, and that I was fine to go, as long as I stuck to my home exercises. I was psyched to learn this, as I was beginning to believe that I would just have to work around the planter fasciatis my entire life. It was a huge relief to learn that I wouldn't! Now I'll just wait patiently for it to take its course so I can get back to running, hehe.

Also, I have to take a moment to brag and say that I got a 110% on my Government Test. Wow! That has to be the highest grade I ever have, and will ever get, on a test. The extra credit my group got from jeapordy and the extra credit on the test itself helped, of course, but still, I am rather proud of myself.

Aside from this awesome news, I have two things of importance to well: 1) my mom bought me a package of cute little colored socks, and I absolutely adore them! Right now I am wearing an orange pair of socks. They're comfy! and 2) When I was feeling down last week, I made an impulse buy and bought an issue of Cosmopolitan. I know it's supposed to be a raunchy magazine for women about sex, but when I read some of the headlines I was so amused that I couldn't help but pick it up. When I got home I curled up on the couch and spent an hour laughing at what I read, and even a little time considering some of the more serious articles. It was rather amusing, although I admit I skipped over some of the more direct articles. What can I say? 

There are only 20 days left of school. I can't hardly believe it. The days are getting longer and longer. I keep looking forward to summer, and anticipating going dorm room shopping and figuring out who my roommate will be, but I know that I should enjoy the last month of High School while I can. I've been told repeatedly that I will miss it once its gone, so even though its dragging by like it will never leave, I will do my best to enjoy every minute of it. 

Speaking of summer, I had hoped to get my book published before my 18th birthday and go on a book tour of the summer. Ambitious, no? Unrealistic, yes? I am currently working towards page 30 on the editing process, and find that so far its been my most difficult task yet, due to my perfectionist tendencies. Ah well, c'est la vie. Rather than rush myself, I will take things as they come, and do my best to devote more time to my book. I have to admit that I have been slacking lately, since the Dreamboy drama and friends have dominated my attention for the past few weeks. But now I am back on track, and need to get focused!

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

Dear Steve,

Ah, nothing compares to the clean feeling of taking a shower - after biking off a whopping 300 calories! - and putting on a clear pore face mask. I love feeling clean. It truly is a blessing. 

Aside from that, today was a surprisingly good day. Sure, there were some issues with Dreamboy (it was completely awkward when I sat behind him in theatre, but that's alright, it'll get better I hope) and I have to admit that I'm a bit disgruntled by the entire situation. He's acting like I broke his heart, but we only "dated" (I use the term losely because we never went out on an actual date, which stings a bit considering I gave him my first kiss. But my mom said something that made me feel better: "the first one doesn't count until its with the right person") for a week and three days. This ony proved to me that he liked me a lot more than I liked him, and that getting more involved would have been unfair to him. At least, that's how I see it.

But this situation has also helped me realize something else. For the longest time I thought I had committment issues, because I would be attracted to a guy, talk to him, get to know him, cuddle (sometimes) and then he would ask me out. This happened four times, and each time I said yes then lost interest in a few days and broke up with them. Yes, I know that sounds heartless, and I accept it with the utmost shame, but I'm still learning. Anyway, the other day I realized that I didn't have a committment issue. Instead, I simply haven't found the right person. It's like a novel. I thought that I wasn't "meant to be" a writer because I couldn't finish a book, but that was because I hadn't found the right one yet. It's the same thing with a guy (please forgive me for comparing a boy with an object, that's not my intention). I doubt that Dreamboy and I will be friends after all this, which is a bummer, but we weren't that close to begin with, despite the fact that we were close last year. This is what I get for being impulsive.

On a side note, today I went to my mother's law firm to get the basics on my summer job. I am so incredibly excited! I'll be working as a back-up receptionist with my own desk and everything! I'll be taking calls, and making copies, and sorting files, and scheduling people in for conference rooms, and making sure that clients are comfortably. I am totally psyched to be working in such a professional environment, as I have always worked at laid back places like a smoothie store, a day care, and then a cafe. C'est tres amusante. (What ever happened to my plan to practice my french? Oh well.) Also, everyone at the law firm was really friendly, so I know I am going to have a blast.

There is one major thing going on above all of this: Sarah Dessen's new book, Lock and Key, came out today! I don't have time to go to the bookstore tonight, I don't think, but I'm definitely going to make a beeline for Borders this weekend. 

Speaking of books, last night I began working on my story, and really made a lot of progress. When I first started the editing process I felt overwhelmed, or lethargic, like I had so much work ahead of me, and it wasn't nearly good enough to be published, and that I should just give up now. But I owe the story, as well as Tanya, Darthenen, and Eathenen more than that. Besides, I won't know for sure if my book can make the cut until I finish it, right? So anyway I sat down to the computer and started editing, and felt like I really connected with Tanya. It was amazing. I realized things that I hadn't realized before, and things clicked into place in a way that I didn't think they could. It was heartening to see, and I have eagerly begun obsessing over my story once more. 

Oh, and I have decided to call it Lifting the Veil - if anyone is reading this, let me know what you think!

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

 Dear Steve,

This week has been full of realizations for me. I'll lay out my week, then go back and elaborate on certain points. First, on Thursday night, after the first night of the Ten Minute Plays, I went with the theatre group to Applebees then to Kachina Park where we romped around for a while then went over to my good friend Bobby's house. Friday was Senior Ditch Day, so I spent that with the girls, acted in the Ten Minute Plays, went to iHop (a theatre tradition) then went to Bobby's house to watch a movie. After all that, I broke up with Dreamboy, did a Government project, started editing my English essay, and finished reading Macbeth.

Now, on to the details.

A few months ago I wrote a script for Theatre as an assignment, and later it was picked to be perofmred in the Ten Minute Plays. As I am an aspiring writer, this made me feel good about myself, although I have to admit that the script was rough. See, it was all neatly laid out and organized, but during one of the peer editing sessions in class I kept getting comments from people saying they wanted to know more about the characters history, so I tried to elaborate on that. The end result: a play that tried to cram too much into ten minutes. Of course I only realize this in hindsight, but I digress. Although we wrote the plays, our teacher picked someone else to direct it, and my play went to a certain girl who we will call Rainbow. Our teacher explicitly told us not to get involved with the play after it had been handed to the director, and to let them have creative leniency with it, so I did as I was told and stayed out of it, even after I had gotten wind that Rainbow was thinking about making it into a comedy.

The play I wrote discussed the differences between men and women, and that instead of one trying to be just as good as the other, for each has different strengths and weaknesses, people should be taken at face value. Gender doesn't matter. The person does. It was mostly a drama, but there were moments of comedy to lift the mood. Monday was the dress rehearsal for the plays, and it was the first day that I got to see my play produced.

I was absolutely horrified and offended by what Rainbow had done to my play. Not only had she made it into a comedy, but she had completely destroyed the message, twisted the characters into dumb stereotypes like a valley girl and Forrest Gump, removed some information from the play and added others. All in all, it was not the script I had written, and I felt that she had personally insulted my work. I know, I know, as a writer I need to learn to accept criticism because, let's face it, if I am going to publish a book the criticism is going to be brutal, but I felt that what Rainbow had done was far worse. At leas the critics are trying, in some way, to better your work. Rainbow demolished mine, and humiliated me in the process. The people in the audience who had read my script before it had been produced knew what was being done to it. Now, typically I would have simply lain low and suffered through the Ten Minute Plays, but this time I put my foot down. I'm not sure if it was the fact that Rainbow and I don't personally get along, or that my writing was involved, but I refused to accept this treatment. Therefore, I e-mailed my theatre teacher, told him how I felt, and told him, flatly, that the play was being pulled.

I wasn't at school the day after I sent the e-mail, unfortunately, because I drove up to Sedona with my family to see Karunamayi. For those of you who don't know, Amma Karunamayi is a holy figure who is regarded as a divine mother. My family is religiously diverse, and while we accept christianity, we are also open to buddhism, hinduism, and other such religions. Being in Karunamayi's presence, and having her stroke my head...it was an amazing experience, one that I cannot even relay in words. I knew, without a doubt, that she loved me, and was willing to help me with something that I had requested of her. But, once again, I digress. Without my knowledge, and without replying to my e-mail, my theatre teacher drew Rainbow aside and told her that the play was being pulled, who then told everyone in the play what was going on. Therefore, when I drove back from Sedona in time for play practice, a chilly reception was waiting for me.

After watching a few plays rehearse, I went up to my teacher and asked if we could talk.  We then went into his office, and I told him exactly how I felt, and that I still wanted to pull the play. He said he understood how I felt, and we went to tell the cast. Now, I also have to note that Dreamboy was, unfortunately, one of the leads in the play and that his best friend, who we shall call Momo, was the other lead. (On that note, I would like to add that, the day prior after I had seen the play, Dreamboy came up to me and said he hoped he hadn't offended me with the role he had played. I can't remember exactly what I said, because I was too upset and flustered, and I did not want to offend him, but I do know that I told him that I want to be an author, and that writing is my life, and that I did not appreciate Rainbow turning my play into a comedy. He then told me that he thought it was important to bring comedy into high school productions, and that it took skill, and I told him, bluntly, that I felt that acting out a comedy did not take any talent whatsoever. At least, it didn't take any talent in the way that Rainbow had produced it. The actors were basically making fools out of themselves for a good laugh, and completely ignoring the message of the script.) I was not looking forward to this meeting.

My theater teacher began by explaining that I chose to pull the play, and that it was my right as the writer, and then gave Rainbow a chance to speak. (Actually, she asked my permission to speak, and of course I said she could. I was willing to hear people out.) Rainbow said that she felt that it should not just be about me, and that other actors were involved, and then she defended her reasoning for making the script into a comedy. At the time her babbling went right over my head, but upon later consideration I realized that, somehow, she had completely missed the point of the play. I am not sure if the fault was in my own writing, or her intelligence (although admittedly I secretly and egotistically believe it was in her intelligence; at least that's what I tell myself to feel better) but there was a definite misunderstanding. Of course, the minute that my theater teacher told them what was going on Momo burst into tears, and stomped around glaring at me and sniffling. Finally I couldn't stand the tension anymore and I turned to confront her. Now, in hindsight, what I should have said was "Momo, I understand you think I'm a bitch, okay" but what came out was "I understand I'm a bitch, okay" to which she promptly replied "good, 'cause you are." Drama ensued from there, in which one of the other actors drew her aside to calm her down, and everyone else sat in a stony silence. Needless to say, I felt like crap, and spent the rest of the evening in silence until I could go home. (I would also like to add that, at one point during the ordeal, my mother showed up randomly with the excuse that she was bringing me a snack, but really she said she had the feeling that I needed some serious emotional support. I absolutely love my mom. She also told me that dad and her were behind me 100%, which made me feel a little better.)

When I got home Dreamboy called me, and let me know that he felt betrayed that I hadn't told him honestly how I felt, and that hurt a little bit. I honestly didn't feel like I could trust him, and didn't know how to respond to this. We never got a chance to truly talk it out, but I was hurt that he didn't support me, even after I told him that writing is what I want to do with my life. This was one of the things that lead me to break up with him, among other things, but that's beside the point. Anyway, after that I called Momo, because I didn't want to leave things where they were, and instead of working things out I basically sat there for about an hour listening to her call me a selfish hypocrit, and being lectured on how I could have handled the situation better. After a while I made up an excuse that I had to go talk to my brother, hung up, started crying and talked to my mom and dad. They encouraged me that I did the right thing, and basically told me not to give in to Momo's pressure, and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. With their support I managed to call Momo back, say everything that I needed to say, and basically worked things out. She promised not to ruin my High School year, which apparently she had been planning, and even though we didn't agree on the way I had handled things we parted as hesitant friends.

Thursday night was the first night of the Ten Minute plays, and it went okay. After that, Bobby got a group together to go to Applebees, and of course I went along, and sat next to one of my best friends Ambyr and Dreamboy. Ambyr and I split a scrumpuous salad, and I had a mango and banana smoothie, which was to die for! I never knew Applebee's had smoothies. Anyway, during dinner I talked with Momo (who happened to be sitting across the table from me) and Ambyr about different kinds of liquor and experiences with alcohol. (I do not drink, and do not plan on getting drunk in the future. Period. End of story. This was another issue I had with Dreamboy, who I found out smokes and drinks -sigh-.) After that we all drove to Kachina Park and messed around for a little bit, and during the course of the evening Momo and Dreamboy got into a flip flop fight and started smacking each other, and I have to admit I felt a bit awkward. It looked like they were having a really good time, and Dreamboy was acting open and carefree in a way that he never does around me. That's when I realized tha the acted a certain way around his friends, and another way around me, and it wasn't hard to realize that his true self was the person he showed around his friends. This hurt me, once again, and made me realize that I had to break it off. In a relationship two people should like each other for who they are at the start. They should not want to change each other. But we'll get to that.

Friday was Senior Ditch Day, and around 10:30 AM I picked up Ambyr, Dannielle, and Allison, and we drove over to Taylor's Cafe for breakfast. Taylor's Cafe is one of the cutest little restaurant's in the world, with affordable prices, delicious food (their trademark is sliced fruit on absolutely everything) and a cute setting. I have to say, it is officially my favorite place to eat. After that we drove over to Arcadia Park to meet Bobby and some friends. After we were all together we drove over to Fiddlesticks to play laser tag. Unfortunately we had to wait 30 minutes for the next game, so Dannielle and I played air hockey, a jet ski game where you could punch people (it was entirely amusing) and a DDR game that we both sucked at. All in all it was fun, and when we went up to play laser tag the guy who was helping us, a cute guy with a lip ring and a tattoo on his arm, asked if he could join us. We said yes, and the game began!

It is official: I am a pacifist who was never meant to fire a gun. For the first twenty minutes of the thirdy minute game I didn't realize you had to put your hand on a sensor to fire the gun and ended up dying about fifty bagillion times and not understanding why. Then, once I realized how to shoot the gun, the cute guy with the tattoo who worked there (who was on the other team) stopped me and told me that my pack was broken. He fixed that, but it still did not improve my chances. I ended up racing around the maze with Dannielle and waving my gun in the air, not really caring if I shot anyone or was shot. It was really amusing, and while frustrating also really fun. After the game was over they scanned our packs, and I had a negative score. I am very proud of that negative score. After that we drove home, and once we got home we decided to call Fiddlesticks to thank the guy who had helped us out (also, my friend Dannielle thought he was cute and wanted to get his number.) Initially we couldn't reach him, but after we tried a second time he answered, I gave him Dannielle's number, and then he promptly texted her. After that the girls and I changed into bathing suits and lounged around the pool, (we never got in all the way; the farthest we got was up to our bellies, and even then we were flailing our arms and squealing like stuck chickens)  dashing over to the table everytime Tattoo Boy texted Dannielle. It was great fun, and Dannielle and Allison ended up coming with Ambyr and I to the Ten Minute plays that night. Oh, how I wish that I hadn't gone. 

Note: Before the play, Momo was messing around and climbed onto a guy's shoulders and proceeded to knock over a huge pile of boxes which crashed to the ground. A while afterwards, Ambyr and I were messing around, and she used the rope from one of her dresses to tie us together so that we were waddling around. We weren't being very loud, but all of a sudden Momo says "hey, siamese dumbos, untie yourselves and try to act professional" in a tone that can perfectly be described as bitchy. Needless to say, her reaction was completely unnecessary, so I gave her a level look and made a show of untying the robe with an irritated flick of my wrist. Unfortunately my only response was "Dumbos. Interesting." before I followed Ambyr to the dressing rooms to console her because, of course, she has low self esteem. (I could have killed Momo for doing that. What a selfish, unfeeling bitch - pardon my french, but I hate seeing my friends hurt, especially a friend as sweet and talented as Ambyr.) After that the night went better, although when I tried to talk to Momo to see what had provoked her irritation - for I knew for a fact it wasn't off - she brushed me off with a cold "I'm fine" which, of course, meant that she wasn't.

After the plays were over we all headed over to iHop. I got there a little later than everyone else with my group, since we had to drop off one of my friends, so when we got there all the booths were full. (Dreamboy was waiting for me outside because he wanted to smoke a cigarette and didn't want to do it in front of me.) One of the girls was saying good bye to everyone and leaving, and her leaving left an open spot in one of the booths where Momo was sitting. I am a major booth fan, so I popped over cheerfully and asked if I could sit down. The girl next to the open seat, a sophomore who I typically get along with, said "umm" gave me a hesitant look, then turned towards Momo (they all looked at Momo as if waiting for her reaction) who was staring down at the table. Things clicked into place, and I knew her answer before I heard it: "We're saving this seat for someone, actually." My reaction? "No problem." I then went to the other end of the table, as far away as possible, in order to give Momo the space she wanted and asked my friend to scoot down to make room. Of course she did so, although unaware of my intentions, and when the other girls saw this they said "oh, she can sit in this empty seat that we didn't want you to sit in because we now realize that the girl we were saving it for left" although not in those exact terms. At that point I was pissed off at Momo for being angry with me for no apparent reason, but it turns out our little discussion didn't matter because we decided to all cram together into two booths. I saved a seat for Dreamboy, Momo sat as far away from me as possible, and the night resumed.

During the course of the meal I could tell that Dreamboy (once he returned from smoking) didn't feel comfortable, and I felt that he was holding himself back on my account. This made me unhappy. I didn't like the idea that he couldn't be himself around me, and tried in various ways to draw him out of his shell. At one point a few of the other boys dared him to snort some sugar, but he didn't, because he said it was "unromantic." For some odd reason this made me feel like I was the bad guy, like I was keeping him from doing what he wanted, so I then proceeded to snort sugar with my friend. It was a very interesting experience, let me tell you, and one that I will not repeat. It was plain stupid, although I must admit I am proud of myself for doing it. After the meal was finished and we were paying our bill I drew Dreamoy aside and asked what I had done this time to piss Momo off. He said that he didn't think she was mad, and that if she was he hadn't heard anything about it to that length. 

My suspicions, however, were confirmed later in the evening. One of the girls had a huge pile of drinks in front of her (gatorades and water, etc.) and was being driven home by Momo. When I offered to help carry the drinks to the car, Momo glanced up and flatly told me "no" before abruptly ignoring me again. Yes, she was mad. Why? I have no idea. I do not plan on interacting with that girl in the future. After that we headed over to Bobby's house to watch a movie.

During that time I decided to tell Dreamboy something that I thought would make him feel better about our relationship. It was something personal that had to do with my history that I felt was holding me back from really committing to the relationship. So after I got to Bobby's house I took him outside and we talked about it, but when I got to my feet to go back inside he pulled me into his lap. We sat like that for a while, and I continuously evaded his kisses by resting my head against his chest or smashing my cheek against his lips so that he had to kiss that instead of my lips. In fact, we made a game out of it: he would try to kiss my cheek, and I would try to jerk my head away. It was fun, but eventually I decided that I did want to kiss him. So, after a while of just sitting there, I finally told him "I really want to kiss you right now, but I'm afraid I'm not a good kisser." (Yes, these are the thoughts that go through my head. I overthink absolutely everything.) He said that that didn't matter to him, and I said that it did, that I might be a slimy kisser or a furry kisser. How one can be a slimy or furry kisser I have no idea, but there was no doubt in my mind that I could accomplish it. He told me that there was only one way to find out, and I took him up on his offer. The first kiss was rather awkward, like I was just pressing my lips against his. (Note: I did not feel fireworks on that kiss. I just liked the physical sensation. Warning. Red flag. Put on the brakes.) After the first kiss, I said "mmh, I like that" and kissed him a second time, when a third time. After that I decided it was time to go inside, and I rose to my feet, but once again he caught my hands and pulled me down for a deeper, firmer kiss. That one was my favorite. Finally we went back inside, I watched a few minutes of the movie, but by that point I was having trouble keeping my eyes open (It was 12:30, and I had gone to bed at 1 AM the previous night; I'm used to going to bed at 10, so I was wiped.) So I herded together the people I was driving, gave Dreamboy one last goodnight peck, then drove home and crashed into bed around 1 AM.

The next day, I knew that something had to be done. The relationship with Dreamboy was not going to work because a) I had a problem with him drinking and smoking, but did not want him to change for me, b) because he knew that I did not like him drinking and smoking he felt uncomfortable around me, c) I had a hunch that Momo, his best friend, secretly liked him (even though they both claim its just a brother sister relationship) and was jealous of me, hence her unexpected anger towards me, d) he did not support me in my writing, and I felt that I could not talk to him openly, and that every time I asked about him to try to get to know him better he didn't return the favor, and finally, e) I felt like he was only interested in a physical relationship. None of these things worked for me (although the kissing was nice, but that makes me sound like a complete jerk) so I called himon Saturday night, explained to him that I felt like he should date Momo and that he was not emotionally available to me, and that because of that I did not think this was going to work out. He asked if we had to do this over the phone, I informed him that yes, we had to, and then he accepted what I had said and hung up. Later I found out that I had two missed calls from Momo and a voice message. I was bracing mysel for an ear beating, but it turns out that she didn't want to yell at me, or be angry (her words) and that she just wanted to say that I misunderstood their relationship, and that I should re-think my decision because Dreamboy really likes me. I have to admit, this set me back, until I realized that Dreamby didn't even know me. Sure, we were close last year, but back then he didn't drink or smoke. We had both changed, and he hadn't made an effort to get to know the real me. So unfortunately I had to be true to my feelings and did not reconsider my options.

On another note, now that I am freed up I look forward to editing my novel with eager glee. I need to focus more in disciplining my mind and putting in at least an hour of writing each day, or else I am not going to get this book published. I feel like I am back on track one more, and that puts my mind at rest. Farwell, Dreamboy, and thank you for everything that you taught me. Farewell, Momo, and thank you for everything you taught me, and I hope that I never have to deal with you ever again. Hello future.

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.  

PS: If there's one thing I've gleaned from this entire experience, it's a newfound appreciation for my friends. Through this entire ordeal, starting with the script horror and ending with the Dreamboy breakup, they were there for me and supported everything I did, even if they didn't particularly agree with everything I had done. Those are true friends, and I am so incredibly blessed to have them, and love them dearly. 

My god this was a huge post. I apologize to anyone who has read this entire thing through, but also have to admire you for your steadfast dedication. Hats off to you.

Dear Steve,

It's official. Dreamboy is now my boyfriend (why do I get so wierded out when I say that I have a boyfriend? Maybe because it happened so recently, it still just doesn't feel like he's my boyfriend...ah well. We haven't technically started dating, so I guess that could be it. Or I am coming face to face with my committment issues, which I shall battle with a vengeance!). Care to hear the details? Because I feel like gushing. So yesterday was a late start, and I went over to my friend Ambyr's house to watch Fight Club. She had tried to call a few other people to see if they wanted to come over but no one had answered, so we just sat down to watch the movie. A few minutes later the doorbell rang, and voila! There was Dreamboy. Apparently he had texted her to let her know that he would be there in 10 or 15 minutes, but her phone died so she didn't get the message. Go figure.

So we all ended up watching the movie together, going to einstein's for lunch, and being late to a late start. How is that even possible? 

So then today, after picking Ambyr up, I drove to school (late again - what the jeebus) and walked into theatre class late. I had to run right by him as I got to my seat, and had to wait for at least ten minutes while the teacher talked at the front of the class. During the course of that time a few girls who knew about my plan turned around and mouthed questions at me, but I deflected them with a silly grin and the mouthed promise that I would tell them after the teacher was done talking. Finally, after the teacher released us, I called to Dreamboy and asked him if he liked my shirt - the one with the golden smile. He turned around, grinned, and said "you're so trixsty." So we just talked for a few minutes, and then he said that yes, he would love to have another chance at us, and I gave him a hug. 

Yes. End of story.
Or is it?

As we were walking out of theatre at the end of the hour, a girl who is obsessed from the leads in Les Mis caught up with one of our friends, Max, and was leaning against his shoulder and saying something. He looked a little awkward, so he made an excuse and walked after us, walking with Dreamboy, Ambyr and I. Then the girl turned and spotted Dreamboy and shouted his name, all enthusiastic, which provoked me to loop my arm in his and say "mine." Everyone giggled, because it was meant to be a joke, but then he offered me his hand and we held hands to class. I know, how corny is that, but I think it's absolutely adorable! People in the hallway kept stopping, and pointing, and then either cheering or asking questions and sounding really confused. It was a bit embarassing, but over all it was fun.

Other than that, not much has been happening, except for the fact that I am extremely tired again. 

Success!

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

  Dear Steve,

As if Lobster Day and the party afterwards weren't enough, yesterday I went down to the city where my college is (a few of my friends are going to the same place) and scoped it out, then went shopping at Buffalo Exchange. For those of you that don't know about it, it's a bargain store where you can either buy brand merchandise for really cheap (we're talking 3-12 dollars here) or you can take in old and used clothing that you don't wear anymore for store credit. It's a really knifty little place with some really cool shirts - I bought a pink layered shirt that looks like a cake with ladybugs and flowers on it! But anyway, as soon as we got to the city we found this cute little Organic Bistro which absolutely made my day, because I was wondering how I was going to survive at college, considering that I am now living off of an organic diet. We decided to have lunch there after we shopped around a little bit. I talked to a Borders about working there over the summer, but I think I might work on-campus instead. The city itself was pretty cool, with a lot happening, and little horse drawn carriages, and even a bridge that ran across a lake. We could have rented a paddle boat and paddled around the lake, but we didn't have time.

Then we found the condominium that my friend would be living in (her parents bought it for her because they didn't want her to live on-campus - good lord!) and there was this cutest little shallow pond across the street from it, with rocks beneath a few shady trees and three bronze bunny statues the size of cars. It was adorable, and we rested there before going to the Organic Bistro for lunch. On top of the amazing food, they have delicious smoothies. That's that for our fun Saturday adventure!

So today, as I was walking around Macy's with my mom, shopping for a new pair of jeans (my old ones had a huge hold in the crotch - I called it the Cave of Wonders) and some nice business shirts for my mom, I remembered something from the night of the hockey game. There was this muffin bar next door to our suite, so my mom, my little brother and I went next door to get some desert. The "bar" actually served ice cream as well, and the muffins were more like cupcakes - you could put frosting on top, and any sort of candy you wanted. So anyway, I hung back and simply checked out the options while my mom talked to the guy behind the counter, who was 19, and after my brother had placed his order I stepped forward and asked what kind of muffins they had. The guy behind the counter stopped and gave me the wierdest look I had ever seen. Figuring that he hadn't heard me the first time, I repeated the question, a bit more hesitantly, and he continued to stare at me oddly. Just as I was about to speak again, he asked "what school do you go to?" and I thought that maybe he recognized me, but I had never seen him before in my life. I told him where, and he said "high school?" and I said yeah. Then he told me that he had thought I was 12 until I started talking!

Most people might have been offended, but I was completely flattered. I'll especially enjoy that youthful quality (a genetic gift from my mom - thanks!) when I get older. So I thought of that, and it made me laugh.

In regards to the story, I sat down today for the first time and looked at it, and instead of being frustrated I felt intrigued, like I usually do, and began editing. I am happy with how it is coming along, and figured out how to work everything out. It's still going to be a horribly long process, though, but I'm not complaining. 

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

PS: That last entry was horribly anxsty - please forgive me, I was extremely tired and an emotional wreck. I'm going to talk with my friends tomorrow about going out on a group date (my friend also likes a boy and wants to ask him out) and scheme cute ways to ask Dreamboy, although I'm becoming more and more afraid that he doesn't like me anymore. Still, I try to remind myself that there's only one way to know for sure. I'll let you know how it goes, or if anything interesting happens.

Dear Steve,

Well, I said I wanted to do something to distract myself from my story, and boy did I get my wish.

Yesterday, after a grueling two and a half hour session of physical therapy (I got to run on the tread mil for 3 minutes! woohoo!) I went home to learn that my parents had been invited to a hockey game and wanted to take my little brother. They had an extra ticket, but assumed that I wanted to work on my story (I love my parents), but I wanted to take a breather to get myself back on track. So I ended up going to the hockey game (our friend's brother had a suite box thingy) and it was AMAZING! Oh my god, the adrenalin rush was so intense, and something was always happening, and there was even a fight. These two guys starting wacking their sticks at each other, then they squared off, and then they threw down their gloves and started fighting. It was so intense! Of course it screams testosterone, but boys will be boys. The guy on our team own, and even though I was screaming and yelling, just as excited as the rest of the crowd (who simultaneously jumped to their feet when the gloves came off) I felt bad when I saw the guy from the other team go down hard on the ice - he literally face planted. But, unfortunately, it wasn't enough to wear off the adrenalin rush.

So hockey is officially my new favorite sport - we shall see how long that lasts.

On another note, shortly after that my mother informed me that I should wear a bra to bed that night and some black sweats instead of my usual girly pajama pants. Why, you might ask? Well, a few weeks earlier I had applied to be in the International Thespian Society, a society for theatre people, and it turns out that today was Lobster Day (induction day - we can't technically call it inductions, because that sounds too much like hazing)! If not for my night terror (I think it's gone away by now, but before if anyone came into my room at night I would sit up and start screaming or begging them not to kill me, and I would have absolutely no memory of if in the morning - freakiest thing ever) she would have let them surprise me, but as it was neither she nor I wanted me to start screaming at some of my school mates or beg them not to kill me. Therefore, I knew what was going to happen, but was still surprised when they rushed into my room this morning at 5:00 AM. I have to admit, when I heard the first sound they made I tensed, but then one of my best friends Ambyr jumped on my back and I knew it was them hehe.

After that we did a few things at the park (things that, unfortunately, cannot be mentioned here - to remind myself, I'll just say group building activities and swimming) and then went to iHop for breakfast and last drove to school. At lunch there was just a thespian meeting where everyone ate lunch together, and I nearly died of shame when my yogurt got knocked over and spilled all over one of the girl's pants. I felt absolutely terrible, and considering that I hadn't gotten much sleep last night due to a combination of hockey game and Lobster Day, I made the situation even worse by freaking out more than necessary. Oh well. After school there was more fun Lobster Day activites (again, for my own memory's sake, I shall simply say capture the flag, lava monster, and water poles) then it was back to school for the ceremony to begin! I didn't realize that there would be a formal ceremony, but there was, complete with parents and everything! In thespians, there is a tradition that a new inductee has "parents" - AKA already thespians. I had three mommy's (Brittany, Tiffany, and Ambyr) and they all came up on stage when my name was called and said something about me.

What they said was one of the most sweetest things I have heard! They said that I was the "little ray of sunshine" in the class, and that I always had funny things to say and I had a bright, warm smile, and that I was a warm person. It made me so incredibly happy. But enough about me. After that, there was Guitar Night, in which I heard one of the most obnoxious bands known to man followed by three absolutely amazing bands (my friends were in that one). Since I've gotten on the topic, I see that I have to talk about a certain someone. For privacy's sake, I shall call him...Dreamboy. Yes, Dreamboy. That's cute. Ahem. Anyway, so I've tried to stay away from really emotioal things on this journal, to try to keep it professional and hopefully not melodramatic, but I find that I want to talk about it, and I don't want to talk to my friends about it because I feel like I'm just a burden to them, like I keep talking about the same darn thing. So anyway, here's how it went:

Last year, Dreamboy and I were really good friends - we had french together, and we always talked and hung out. Eventually he started to like me, but I wasn't in a space to like any boy, period, regardless of Dreamboy. So when he came out and told me how he felt, saying that I was basically his dream girl (thinking back on it it makes me want to cry, and it made me so happy then), I turned him down because I a) was terrified of men and b) terrified of relationshops. I shall not go into details on that one. After that, I made the horribly stupid mistake of trying to hook him up with one of my friends in order to "fix the hurt I had caused by turning him down" and that completely blew up in my face - he got mad at me, because, I admit, I pressured him into it, and after that I felt so guilty that we sort of stopped talking (I know I'm romantially retarded, no one has to tell me). So now it's this year. Well...Dreamboy and I had a lot of time to hang out during Les Mis, and I found that I started to like him, but I wasn't sure if that was just because I was an emotional girl or because I actually liked him, so I just hung low for a little and let things work out. Now, of course...I totally like him. I am so mad about him it's pathetic. For instance, tonight he was playing in Guitar Night and he was wearing this silly red robe that sort of looked like a mix between a pirate coat and a captain, with gold lacing, and I remember thinking he looked so incredibly irresistible in it, and wondered what the heck made him so attractive. (I am so sorry to anyone still reading this - feel free to poke out your eyes, if you need to.) But I felt like I completely missed my chane with him, and I felt like I didn't deserve him, and I was so incredibly pissed off at myself. Plus, I had heard rumors that he was getting close to this other girl in our french class (ironic) and that she was tiny, gorgeous, talented, and nice. I knew who she was, so I felt that he wouldn't go for me, because somehow he had risen in rank this year and I thought that a lot of different people were noticing him, so he wouldn't go for someone like me. Then that made me pissed off at myself again that I missed my opportunity when I had it. -sigh-

Anyway! So after Guitar Night there was a party for the theatre kids, and I went there and discussed tactics with my friend, Ambyr, and we, well, I, decided that I should talk to his best friend/my friend Meghan and figure out if its a lost cause. It turns out that, despite my fretting and reprimanding myself, she said that I shouldn't give up just because I missed out on the last opportunity, because then I'll miss the opportunity in front of me. That made me feel a lot better, but I still felt mad, until she told me that, even though he hadn't said anything, she still thinks that I'm still in his thoughts. It absolutely killed me, though, when I mentioned what he said about the dreamgirl and Meghan said "you were" - of course, I latched onto the past tense "were" and realized how incredibly stupid I am. I mean, here's this great, funny, smart, sensitive guy saying that I'm his dream girl and I turn him down? But I'm trying to force myself to realize that it's not my fault, that I was just in a certain stage at that point in my life that did not allow for a relationship, and rather than sulk and whine I should not waste anymore time and try to win my Dreamboy. Meghan suggested that I just ask him out on a date, and I am considering doing that, except that then I would have to deal with my own insecurities regarding men. Phooey. 

I shall go to bed, now, with this parting comment. At one time, he said I was his dreamgirl; well, now I realized that he's my dreamboy and I want him to be mine so bad it's seriously demented. But for some reason I feel like he floats in a different crowd than me. Like tonight, at the party, when we were all about to leave, I felt so horribly out of place when we were all saying good bye to the hosts of the party, who I actually don't think likes me. That's probably just my own insecurities, but meh. I shall cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess. 

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

Dear Steve,

My goodness! I have been so tired lately; it feels like I've been tired for the past two weeks, and haven't been able to catch up on sleep or anything. Honestly, I have no idea what is going on - maybe I have a virus or something. I sure hope not, because that is not something one can just sleep off hehe. I even fell asleep today in French class, which I practically never do. Then again, I think that had something to do with my friends - today, during our TA period, my friends and I started discussing plans for Senior Ditch Day, which is April 18th, and I noticed something very peculiar. While my friends are the kind of people who need to be entertained, I entertain myself, and it does not take muh to satisfy me. For instance, I absolutely loved the idea of driving up the Mountain near our house, scoping out all the make-out sights for sheer amusement sake, then having a picnic. It sounded like a blast! But my friends were in favor of driving down to the beach (which is at least a 6 hour drive) to enjoy their day off, or they wanted to go to an amusement park or something. They thought my idea was boring, which I found interesting. Now, I am not saying that the way that I appreciate the little things in life is a good or bad thing, it's just something that I realized today. For some reason I thought everyone in the world was like that, but I guess not.

I hope my friends and I can come up with something. I would like to hang out with them over Senior Ditch Day. Oh, speaking of Senior Ditch Day, I am directine a ten minute play for theatre (my script got picked to be produced, as well! Although I'm a bit upset that it's being produced as a comedy - that is not how I wrote it, and while I give the director the freedom to do what she wants with it, I feel that a comedy takes the least amount of talent possible...but that is just my opinion) about School Violence. It is going to be absolutley amazing, but I feel like I am having trouble with my cast. This is the first time that I have seriously directed something, and while I don't want to be bossy, I resent the fact that my cast is speaking up and stating exactly how something is going to be without consulting me. Who knows, maybe I am just controlling, but it irritates me - I should talk to them about it. Anyway! The last night of the performance is on Senior Ditch Day, so I probably won't get to go out of own. Bummer. Then again, I don't see any problem staying in town - there is so much to do that I haven't done yet! Like climb the mountain by my house for a picnic. 

For sheer amusement's sake, I am going to record an incident that happened today at lunch. Recently, to have time to spend with my family and work on my story at the same time, I have been printing out at least ten pages of my story each night, editing it during the day during my TA periods, then adding the corrections into the story and printing out another ten pages. But today I was having trouble editing the page, for I felt that I needed to re-write the entire interaction beween Tanya and Eathenen - I felt that the way I had written them before did not suit their characters. So I was trying to explain this to my friends, who were quite amused, and this is how I did it:

"She's just so whiney! It's like, 'Oh my gawd, don't talk to me like that! Oh my gawd, don't use that tone with me' and that's totally not something she would say. Argh, it's frustrating. Then Eathenen comes in, and it's like 'Oh my lady...' -Ali reaches out as if to touch someone with a seductive expression on her face- and Tanya is like 'Don't touch me!' But then Eathenen is like 'But I am so sexy you want me to caress your skin.' And Tanya is like '...ew.'" 

-bows- It's truly magnificent. I love exaggerating my characters. Now, I find myself fatigued, but am determined to work on my story. 

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

Dear Steve,

Last night was AMAZING! I know I said it wouldn't compare to the Cotillion Ball, but they were both fantastic in their own way. Here's a play by play of how the night went: First, I went out to dinner to Chelsea's Restaurant with my family (mostly for show, since I didn't eat) to get a chance to talk with our family friend, V (for privacy sake) before she left. After that I drove home and got ready for prom. The dress I wore was a silver oriental cut dress with soft blue designs and slits on either side that rose to the hip. It looked absolutely gorgeous, and I pulled it off quite well, if I do say so myself. My date, Jack, showed up at 6:30 with his mom and his grandfather, both of whom were very polite and very gracious. They actually arrived while I was outside with my mom and dad taking pictures in front of our white boganvias (I think that's what the flowers are called). So anyway, I went back inside and Jack's mother gave this huge gasp and said how much she liked my dress, which made me really happy. Then, the fun part began.

We went outside to take pictures again. It was a lot of fun, except that no one gave any warning as to who was taking a picture so we just stood there smiling and staring off into space. After that they finally released us and we drove to Chili's, joking along the way, but when we got there (after parking in at least two 15 minute or 30 minute parking only spaces - darn you parking lots!) we found out that we were the first ones there. Can you say Awkward Turtle? Apparently the dinner had been moved to 7:30, but boh Jack and I had heard 7. But that's alright! We played the Either Or game while we waited (you list two different things, such as chocolate or vanilla, and the person has to chose between them - only our choices were much funnier). Everyone looked so beautiful when they arrived! Grace and her date Ethan showed up first, and Grace wore this stunning emerald dress with black tool over the front in pretty designs, and Eathen looked adorable in a tux with a silver vest. After that the others showed up, Brittany and Cory, Allison, John and Gina, and Scott. (Scott tried to pay for the entire dinner bill, but we refused under the pretext that we were bad people.) 

Dinner was surprisingly good. It was freezing, however, so by the time the food got there the girls were wearing all of the guy's tuxedo jackets, who were just chilling in their dress shirts and vests. I personally had Cajun Chicken Pasta, which was delicious (although I forgot that cajun = spicy, and I don't like spicy hehe) and it came with a piece of garlic bread that was spongy yet good, with a sort of crusty outside. Amazing! After that we drove to the prom (each in separate cars - we decided not to rent a limo) and Jack and I proceeded to get lost. It was actually a lot of fun haha. We just drove around random streets, asking each other if we thought this or that looked familiar. When we eventually found the prom destination, we kept running into one way streets that kept taking us away from the location. (My friend Danni called me right before we left and said that no one was at prom - when we were driving around, I figured out why - it's impossible to get there!) When we got to prom I met up with my girls, and Jack ran into some friends, so we split up for a while. The girls and I went to the dance floor and grooved out, then went upstairs for pictures, where I ran into Jack again, which was good because we got an absolutely adorable formal picture together. After that, Jack remained with his friends and I went back downstairs to dance with the girls.

It was amazing how many people I ran into at prom! It seems like each time I turned around or walked away from the dance floor someone was there to greet me with a hug. It made me really happy to see all of them, especially when they all complimented me on the dress. (I swear I'm not as conceited as I sound.) The plan was to go over to one of the girls' houses for an overnight after the dance, but I was so tired (and recovering from a cold I inflicted on myself by staying up until midnight the night before gushing over my book and talking to Sarah on the phone) that I just went home and crashed.

Of course, the best part of the day was going to get my hair and nails done at the salon. I've been wanting to get another pedicure for some time now, so I figured prom was the best time to do it! I almost fell asleep sitting in the salon chair with my feet immersed in a bubbly soap bath. Mmmh. Speaking of feet, I have noticed an odd little idiosyncracy about myself. Some girls rave over shoes, right? Well it turns out I have the same problem - only about colored socks. I absolutely LOVE colored socks, especially ones with animals on them! I figured this out because on Friday afternoon my mom was going to drive my little brother to Target to buy a toy, and I quickly volunteered because I knew they had a bunch of cute colored socks in the $1 aisle. How sad is that? I can't help it, though, it makes me so happy to be walking around my house and look down and see these bright, cute little socks staring up at me. They're just so cute! Let's say it just one more time: colored socks are cute, cute, cute!

Aside from pedicures and sock fetishes, yesterday morning, as soon as I woke up, I started polishing the first chapter of my story - and ended up re-writing nearly the entire thing! I felt like a woman obsessed as I sat in my dark room and typed furiously on my keys, hoping to get in a few more pages before I dragged myself away to spend some time with my family. I'm very happy with how its turned out, however. The original beginning was very weak, but I feel like this one cuts to the heart of the issue in just a few paragraphs, which may or may not be a good thing hehe.  At one point I texted Sarah and told her that I had written that morning, and she asked me if I was going to be able to enjoy prom that night, which I thought was funny, considering I was wondering the same thing. But it turns out I didn't have to worry, because the night was great! And I am proud to say that I did not even think of my story once. 

Alors, j'oublie ca je veux practicer mon francais. C'est ne travailler pas, non? Hier soir, j'ai danse avec mes amies. C'est tres chouette! Mais j'ai triste parce que je n'ai pas mange le petit dejeuner avec mes copain ca matin. 

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

Dear Steve,

I DID IT! Tonight, around 8:30 PM, I wrote the last sentence of my book. I was so excited that I started jumping up and down shouting "I did it! I did it!" while my absolutely adoring and supportive mother was cheering and waving her arms in the airs. I love my mom. Now, of course, I can begin the editing process, which I am so excited about. It's odd how much I have learned about the book in the last few pages. I am going to have to take out and add in so many things, but for some reason that only makes me happy. What can I say, I'm a perfectionist.

I am also incredibly tired, because after I finished dinner (we have a family friend over from out of town who does fung shei, and she'd never seen Enchanted before so we were watching it) I raced back into my room and called my good friend Sarah, who encouraged me through this entire process. After at least ten minutes of squealing and laughing and general excitement, I sat down and actually starting reading some of my favorites parts aloud to her. She absolutely loved them (which I love her for - thank you so much Sarah, you have seriously been such a great help to me!) and made me feel really good about myself hehe. Well, one thing lead to another, and before I knew it I was practically reading her the entire ending! Which was alright by me, except eventually I got so tired that I was slurring my words together and stumbling over them. Oh well.

Also, Sarah helped me write an alternative beginning to the one I had picked, and I have to say it is rather amazing. Although it made me realize how...angsty my story is. I never realized! I meant to give the main character a lot of difficulties to overcome, but in the end it would make her stronger and she would appreciate things more due to her experiences. But I am afraid that I will just depress my readers instead of making them feel that they can take on the world with a big smile and pepper spray! (Oh em gee am I tired. And this is the night before prom. Woohoo.) So I will get a few different inputs on the anxst-level (is anxst even a word? I feel like I spelled that wrong) and add/change things as necessary.

Before I officially pass out on my computer screen, I would like to bid you all good night, and pray that I am not sick in the morning. On that note: I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I FINISHED MY FIRST BOOK! Now I just have to edit it -content sigh-. (Seriously, Sarah, thank you so much! I wouldn't have made it this far if not for you.)

Until next time!

-Alexandra M.

PS: I am going to have such a blast reading this post tomorrow, counting the number of spelling errors, and laughing at myself for them. I hope you will too.